Self-Harm & Suicidality: Understanding the Pain Beneath the Surface
In the case of an emergency, or if you are feeling unsafe, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. If you are needing to talk to someone immediately please call the Mental Health Crisis Line at 310-6789 (no area code required), the Crisis Line at 604-872-3311, or the Suicide helpline at 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433).
Self-harm and suicidal thoughts are some of the most misunderstood experiences people go through. Many people who struggle with them feel ashamed, scared, or worried that others won’t understand. But here’s the truth: these behaviours and thoughts are often signs of emotional pain that has become too heavy to carry alone.
If you or someone you love is dealing with this, you are not “broken,” and you are not beyond help. There are reasons you feel this way — and there is compassionate support available.
What Self-Harm Really Is (And What It Isn’t)
Self-harm is often used as a way to cope with overwhelming emotions. People sometimes turn to it when they feel:
numb and are trying to feel something
emotionally overwhelmed and need a release
disconnected from themselves
unable to put their pain into words
like they need control when everything feels chaotic
While it might look like “attention-seeking” from the outside, it’s rarely that. For most people, it’s an attempt to manage feelings that feel unmanageable.
It’s a sign of distress — not a character flaw.
Understanding Suicidal Thoughts
Suicidal thoughts can range from fleeting “I can’t do this anymore” moments to more persistent feelings of hopelessness. Many people think these thoughts mean they want to die, but often, it’s more accurate to say:
They want the pain to stop.
Suicidal thoughts can be linked to:
depression
trauma
burnout or chronic stress
major life changes
isolation
feeling like a burden
emotional exhaustion
It’s possible to be high-functioning, successful, or caring on the outside, while quietly struggling on the inside.
Signs Someone May Be Struggling
These signs don’t always mean someone is considering self-harm or suicide, but they can be indicators that deeper support is needed:
withdrawing from people they care about
sudden mood changes (especially from hopeless to calm)
expressing guilt, shame, or feeling like a burden
giving away belongings
talking about feeling numb or disconnected
difficulty coping with daily tasks
increased substance use
overwhelming sadness or emptiness
If you notice these signs in yourself or someone else, it’s a cue to reach out — not a reason to panic, but a sign that support could make a difference.
How Counselling Helps
Counselling offers a safe, private space to explore thoughts and behaviours without judgment. Some ways therapy supports healing include:
1. Understanding what’s beneath the pain
Together, we explore what’s driving the self-harm or suicidal thoughts — often emotional wounds, trauma, stress, or long-term unmet needs.
2. Learning safer ways to cope
We build tools that help you manage intense emotions without hurting yourself.
3. Strengthening your sense of connection and self-worth
Many people struggling feel completely alone. Therapy helps rebuild trust in yourself, others, and the world.
4. Creating a personalized safety plan
A plan that outlines warning signs, coping strategies, and supports — designed specifically for you.
5. Feeling heard and understood
You don’t have to pretend you’re okay. You don’t have to hide. You can show up exactly as you are.
You’re Not a Burden — You’re a Human in Pain
It’s so important to say this clearly:
You are not a burden.
Your pain is real.
You deserve support, care, and understanding.
If you’re reading this and thinking, “I don’t want to scare anyone,” or “no one would understand,” please know many people feel that way before opening up. You’re not alone — and you don’t have to face this alone.
What to Do If You Need Support Right Now
If you are in immediate danger, please reach out for help:
Call 9-8-8 (Canada Suicide Crisis Helpline) — call or text; available 24/7
Call 310-6789 (Mental Health Crisis Line) — no area code required, BC-wide; available 24/7
Call 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) (Suicide Helpline) — available 24/7
Go to your nearest emergency room
Talk to someone you trust
If you’re not in immediate crisis but know you need support, counselling can be a safe first step.
How I Support Clients at Silver Linings Counselling
I work with youth (14+) and adults who are navigating self-harm or suicidal thoughts. Please note I am not an emergency service, so if you are feeling like your safety is at risk, please utilize the resources above.
My approach is:
warm
collaborative
trauma-informed
grounded in safety
focused on building coping skills and emotional regulation
paced at your speed
Together, we explore your experiences with gentleness and without judgment — and we work toward a life that feels more grounded, hopeful, and manageable.
Whenever you’re ready, I’m here.